Thursday, December 31, 2015

What 2015 means to me

Hi everyone. 

It's now around 2 hours before new year, and I'm sitting here in front of the screen trying to share about what I have actually learned in 2015 and what 2015 means to me.

Truth be told, new years have always been so ordinary to me. I always think that it's just another day, nothing much, nothing special. But this year, I can't deny, it's really hard for me to let go of 2015. 

2015 is the year when I ACTUALLY discover myself, about what I want, and what I really need in life. I used to think that growing older just brings more sorrow, because it's time for me to see the world, the harsh world. I used to shut myself down, blocked myself from seeing the "real" world, and I spent almost everyday wondering if I was lost. 

Then I opened myself up.

I started to realize that this world indeed could be as bad as hell, full of fake people, ignorant people, or in contrary, it could be as great as heaven, with many faces to meet, many things to learn. It's all about perspective, and it depends on us which side we want to see it from. 

Truth is, growing up isn't always about seeing things from the "hidden" sides, or "negative" sides. Instead, growing up means you should see things from BOTH sides, and realize that there are always 2 sides of coins and judging from one side won't be wise enough to live an adult life. 

I finally understand, that sometimes we have to let go of things or people, so that we can grow and learn from our mistakes. I finally understand that IT'S OKAY to make mistakes, IT'S OKAY to be imperfect. Because those imperfections are what make me, me. I finally realized that I've been living my whole life trying to please someone else subconciously, trying to lift myself up to people's standards, until I lost myself. I used to blame myself just because people said I wasn't good enough. I used to focus on what people thought about me and I remember sitting at the corner of the room wondering what I did wrong, why people left, why I made mistakes, why things happened that way, why why and why. And it got me nowhere. Things didn't get better. 

And then I slowly learned to forgive myself (it took me 3 years to undestand this). I forgive myself for being imperfect, for making mistakes, and I tell myself that no one, seriously, no one could bring me down or judge me because of a single mistake I did in the past. I've finally come out from my darkest moments and decided to allow myself to see everything from the whole different perspective. I grew stronger, I found myself, I am happy, and I am grateful.

2015 has taught me that this life is actually wonderful (maybe to some people I might sound ignorant or naive when I write this), I was the one who blocked myself from seeing its value because I focused too much on all the negative sides. I tend to blame people for not understanding my circumstances, my thoughts, and my behavior. But truth is, we can never expect everyone else to walk like we do, talk like we do, and think like we do. People are different, we are all different indeed. And when I accept this, my life changes. I become happier by accepting and understanding why they think differently, and for me, it is interesting and full of wonders. I went to places, I met new people, I talked to strangers, I came out from my comfort zone, I saw the world little by little, I learned new things, and the more I learn, the more I realize how small I am in this world, how much I don't know, and that's OKAY. I don't need to feel worthless about myself, because as human beings, it's become our nature to learn, and as long as I keep on learning, I won't feel sorry for myself. These things finally led me to my biggest accomplishment in 2015 which is : start LIVING instead of just existing. And I'm grateful.

I've finally let go of my past completely, and I'm thankful for that. I've put down all the burdens which have haunted me for years, they're only lessons to me now, they could no longer harm me, and I'm finally free spiritually and mentally.  

The road is still long ahead I know, and I don't say it will be easy. I'm just starting my journey, a whole new journey. A journey of gratitude, a journey to learn to be better, and I'm looking forward to it. This is my personal adventure, my personal homework, and now I'm finally ready. 2015, thank you for all the memories and lessons, you're my best teacher, and 2016, here I come <3

"You have to let go of the past,so that the better future can come to its place."

I want to live my life to the absolute fullest

To open my eyes to be all I can be

To travel roads not taken, to meet faces unknown

To feel the wind, to touch the stars

I promise to discover myself

To stand tall with greatness

To chase down and catch every dream


Let's call on the interested 
The wide-eyed, the hopeful
The princesses and the princes
The believer

Let's summon the generals, 
The queens, the kings,
And the knights that ride the adventurous trails

Let's call on the leaders
The lover, the big ones, the small ones
The been-there's, the done-that's
The discoverers, the conductor
The scientist, the CEOs

Let's call on the skywalkers
The movers, the shakers

Let's call on the curious
And bring on the hope.


and after all these years, I finally understand what meanings these commercials actually hold. <3

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